Efforts

  Hey people! I know it’s been so long since I have written any blog post. A few events that I encountered in my life made it inevitable for me to write this post. When I first fell in love (it was long ago by the way), it was strange and so new to me. I started to experience the world so differently (including the butterflies in my stomach). All the care, checking up, hours and hours of stalking, considering her feelings every step of the way, ensuring I’m available every minute, surprising her with everything that she loves, making her feel immensely special, taking care of her when she’s sick, being the best company that she could ever have. She thanked me telling me that I’ve been putting a lot of efforts lately and that it requires a lot of patience as well as time. I didn’t understand why she was calling them “efforts” back then. Everything that I encountered this lockdown made me realise that efforts are so very important. 

In a relationship, the beginnings are always golden days. Because there are a thousand and more things that you don’t know about the other person. Their insecurities and priorities, their tastes and preferences, their likes and dislikes, their wishes and wants, their strengths and struggles, many more things about them. It’s all beautiful until you get to understand their qualities that are extensively beautiful. We can consider it as the phase one. 

Then comes the phase two. You are clearer about both of your feelings. You both know that you found the one. You don’t feel it, you just know it. Here, there are those long conversations, the lengthy chats, the “he/ she is my world and my utmost priority” actions, hours and hours keep moving with both of you mesmerising each other or rather, both of you being mesmerised in the other’s presence and company, you both want to only and only spend time with one another. Phase two is like the supremely ideal stage as far as I think. 

Phase three is tricky. Slowly your tastes and preferences start crawling in. All those beautiful feelings are still there, but you start wanting the other person to pay you attention, be certainly the way you want them to be. You want them to put more efforts for you, spend more time with you, give you more of themselves. You wouldn’t like it if they have something personal that you don’t have an access to. You guys talk things out, for days things are good and then comes the phase 4. 

Phase 4 is dangerous. Here are doubts. Here is where you have become an inevitable part of their life. You’re not someone that they should keep putting so many efforts or to please. There are a lot of disagreements. More number of fights. You get to know the other person’s flaws more. One is either too much inclined towards the other or one doesn’t think that little things should be prioritised. There is so much of hurt and pain when all the aim was is love. There is anger, frustration, self-doubt, doubt in the other, doubt if you are the one or if the other is the one. Doubt if they honestly care about what the other wants or feels. Here comes the bridge which has the name “efforts”. 

Phase 5 has two parts. Either you are so supremely hurt and you feel it just can’t workout anymore and you give up. The second part, you put efforts (BOTH OF YOU). You try hard enough to understand what the other person wants. You mould yourself for the other person. You work on yourself on the things that you think you can change within for them. You try and communicate what are your needs without being displeased. You still put efforts to love the person even with their flaws as well. Flaws need not to be bad. Flaws can also be them being not able to be the way you want them to be. Yes, you read it right. You got to choose the other person. Love sometimes is not effortless. Even though I believe that love is the very essence of everything, when it comes to a single person, you got to take that commitment yourself. You got to question yourself before you question the other. You got to look inside before you look out. You’ll do it all if only you take a commitment and you believe that this is my person and no matter what, I don’t want to lose what we have. Love, is a choice sometimes. Those who pass phase 5 will go to phase 6. 

In phase 6, you are perfect for the other. Not because you just fit in, but because you worked on yourself and made yourself perfect for the other. You both just fit in. Because you chose to cut what is unnecessary, put what is needed and the other worked on the same. You know how to react when, you know what to do to calm the other down. You know how to lift them up. You understand every reaction, every way they behave, you understand all the why, what, when and hows. 

There can be a question. Isn’t love meant to let you free?

If you feel like you are changing yourself so much that you can’t see yourself anymore when you are with the one you love, talk it out. You can make changes in the decoration and paints and furniture but if you are being put in a situation where you have to demolish the whole home and build a new one? Never do that. Your essence should stay intact. If someone would ask you to change yourself, they haven’t fallen in love with you for who you are at the first place.

When you are in love, you shouldn’t be obliged to something at the first place. Sure. But your willingness to change yourself and your determination to give up things to keep your love gives you a different freedom. It makes you know if you are someone who chooses love over everything else or everything else over love as well.

But I can guarentee one thing for sure. You'll love how and how much love changes you.

(Post credits to the lady that taught me to love.)

"Efforts are better than promises"


(P.S. Please don’t fill my DMs after reading ;))


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