Different

You know, let me make it informal. For time being, I was odd. Different. Dropping physics in my 12th, it took me two years and yet I still do not know why I am doing Marketing in Business Administration. I freak out every single time when I think of what I am going to do in the future. I do not love my subject, neither can I do anything with my love for physics now. It had been two years since there had been a lot of changes in my body and mind but I fail to see growth anywhere. In fact, it is a feeling that I am going backward instead. Being lazy to study, failing to find interest in any freaking thing I do, if at all I might want to change my path, I can, but only if I love something else, right? The quest comes back to the same question again. What do I love doing? Nothing! I broke down extremely bad. I don’t know why I am associating myself with others. I know my journey is different but I don’t know how to get that association out of my mind. I don’t know how not to keep myself in the place of people who just love what they are doing. They are so good and here I feel no interest for anything I do. That passion lacking. And the one thing that I was passionate about is not there anymore. What do I do? Sit and whine? Never helped. I can’t change the equation of life that knowledge is the real power and for knowledge, work is inevitable. I can’t call it hard work. Cause if you love something, how can that be hard? I have decided it to myself that I will drop everything, every single judgement I have about myself. Good or bad. Every comparison. When I damn do not know about myself, why do I even keep those things that I think I am not very capable of doing, in my head? Opening up is such an extreme thing to do. But I rather shifted to “I don’t know if I can do that.” To “I can’t do that.” I started to feel grateful for whoever I am. With the level of maturity that I have about life. Being able to at least think of a purpose for life to make this world a better place. Maybe I do not have that fire. Maybe I am not that storm yet. Maybe I am still the same me. But I am open for the wood that can ignite my spark. I am open for the water that can fill my cloud. Everything started to seem perfect. I started to seem extraordinary to myself. Being in a way that far outstands everyone else that I have ever seen in my life. Nobody can be me, right? 

Do not believe in anything that anyone says. You are here to do great things. You will be able to do great things only if you start believing it. Life is too short to start doing things and continue them only if we feel like. Too short to depend work on feelings. Too short to keep constantly judging yourself. To change yourself right now is always in your hands. Grab your crocs and pull your socks. “We are about to get wet in this ride.”



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